Son Goku -err Naruto Shippuden
by FearlessTiger
Summary: Spoilers. Bashing. Because Naruto started out so beautifully...- 'Ah.. do you remember when we fought with strategies? When we deceived our opponent and-'; 'Shut up! Now we do Susanoo ALL day, EVERY day, kapische? -...And now it has been reduced to this.


**AN: Now, let's make something clear. I am a fan of Naruto, really. But there is only so much bullshit any fan that, by the way, has her high school entrance examination, um, let's say, tomorrow, and wants to take a break from studying to read the latest manga chapter can take. Kishimoto-san is brilliant for creating Naruto, and he has the right to lead the story wherever he wishes, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it **_**or **_**I can't write a fic where I bash everything that's been going on since Naruto and Sasuke met Hagoromo. To be honest, the only reason I'm still following the manga is that I REALLY want to see Kakashi's face (I mean, come **_**on**_**!).**

_**WARNING: **_**This contains heavy bashing, heavy spoilers and a lot of profanities. You may leave now if you find any of those offensive. This is just a way for me to express my frustration (and relieve my stress, huehue), so don't flame, okay? Okay. As for those who don't mind these and share my unhappiness, do enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, it wouldn't be on its way to becoming DBZ, just sayin'.**

_Son Goku –err, Naruto Shippuden_

We all know life is a bitch.

Really, people who claim otherwise are usually those conceited, arrogant asses who keep saying they have never peed in the shower. Well, sorry, muchachos, but no individual contemporary to you will take that statement with anything less than a snort, a snicker or a sarcastic and amused sound of agreement.

While the topic of the habits healthy and moderately sane humans have adopted as a result of the increasing amount of privacy the power of restraining orders have generously granted them is a fascinating one indeed, the current matter at hand revolves around a different excrement, its figurative sense and four people whose purpose and – might I say – natural affinity to the laws of physics have become closely acquainted with the aforementioned figurative value of the word 'shit'.

In other words, we shall now observe the members and main gents/lady of a previously adored and non-excessively-bullshitted association known as Team 7 – now renamed 'The-two-ultimate-gods-and-the-fodder' in their natural habitat – aka lying on a rectangular stone in the middle of a lava lake, currently on a break from fighting another ultimate god (apparently the final villain, but alas, that's what we thought about Maddy-chan as well and got a fist in the chest from behind as a reward, so nothing's for certain) to contemplate/mumble in a brief moment of peace. Kaguya is now managing her bipolar issues, silently crying in a corner because of reasons and sons and grandsons and reincarnations, so we may toss her a tissue or two, but no feeding the specimen.

Among her sobs, a contented sigh is heard from Overpowered-Ass, who is now eyeing the sky in a bored fashion. ''Nothing like being handed power on a tray ever since I was born,'' Sasuke drawls merrily – well, as merrily as a strength-contaminated, arrogant Indra incarnation can drawl without losing the stick of godly attributes carefully implanted up his ass.

The voice snaps Kakashi out of his musings and the older man scans his surroundings briefly. The reaction is instantaneous.

''OMG lava!'' he yells, immediately doing the only thing he can do at the moment, no more Sharingan powa and shit. He grabs Sakura and apologizes to Obito's corpse he is careful to keep around him (supposedly for emotional purposes. Let us overlook the fact that our dear Kakashi has turned into a worse case of pre-Shippuden Sakura, reduced only to screaming names. The significant difference is that he is screaming the name of a corpse and also talking to said corpse, but it's okay, Kakashi. Really, it is.) ''This no Genjutsu. No, no, no!'' the Jonin (!) bemoans.

Meanwhile, Sakura just keeps lamenting like she has for a good while. ''Development I had, I tell you… I had development! I am a Kage-level kunoichi now… But, oh, wait, we don't do Kage level no more, the new shit's being Son-fucking-Goku!'' predictably, she glances at Sasuke once after her little speech and promptly starts moping.

Said god shrugs and checks on Overpowered-not-that-big-of-an-Ass for the hundredth time, ready to scold him once more: the two of them cannot even _look_ at the fodder, damn it! Was Naruto even listening to him? They are supposed to save their own asses with the power shoved down their throat, so they can gloat about their awesomeness later (and, in Sasuke's own case, rape the five nations into making him Hokage, because that's how the motherfucking Uchiha clan rolls. And Nii-san rocks, by the way, you fuckers, but don't you even dare say his name because Sasuke will burn you with his Rinnegan. _That's right, bitches, Rinnegan. _Because asspulls have the lovely ability to even pump Shinju DNA into a _fucking pedigreed Uchiha_).

But _naw_, Naruto just has to grin at Sakura and begin levitating with excitement. ''That's right, Sakura-chan! We're becoming DBZ! Isn't that awesome?''

On a side note, weren't we all expecting someone _coughNarutoandSasukecough _to pull a Picolo and blow up the moon? Oh, of course we were. But then asspulls happened and a bipolar, _yet another _prime villain made her appearance in all her feminine glory, ignoring the long-established rule that any and all women had to be on different levels of useless in terms of battle proficiency. Say that to Kaguya, and see if it makes her laugh or cry (we can't really be sure at this point).

Kakashi is now mourning silently, in case someone wants to know. ''Do you remember… Do you remember when we fought with strategies? Ah, it was so beautiful… We would make a plan and deceive our opponent-''

Sasuke interrupts by growling. ''Oh, hell, _naw_! Bitch, now we doin' Susanoo _all _day, _every _day, kapische? I'm the leader here, and I order to throw attacks at the enemy until the final asspull arrives, and then we win and Naruto and I perform some twisted form of incest by ending up together because of our fifteen years long obsession with each other!'' he yells with an undeniable tone of finality.

The other three immediately fall silent and nod rapidly. He doesn't need to _yell_. Geez.

A few more minutes pass in silence. Then…

''OMG lava! Obito!''

''My development, kami, I'm the _heroine_!''

Overpowered-Ass and Overpowered-not-that-big-of-an-Ass glance at one another with bedroom eyes, before smirking and deciding to just use their –well, not really _their- _powers and they are gone in an instant, ready to be their god selves.

Sakura stays behind (what's new?) with Kakashi. Now, let half the population of the globe forget the fact that both could take the Hokage seat at any given time with their abilities. Being a god is the trend, have you forgotten? Psh, _fodder._

The no-longer-Copy-Nin has yet another shocking revelation about the lava not being a Genjutsu and he promptly, wordlessly falls unconscious.

Sakura sighs as the rectangular stone they are seated on keeps moving restlessly.

''Uchiha-san, please stop it.''

Itachi pays her no heed, however, and he continues to roll in his grave.

_~Fin~_


End file.
